Remember
by hobbleit
Summary: Sam remincises about his relationship with Jess. Written for Hot Guy Heaven but edited. Song is Remember by Free


**I wrote this for Hot Guy Heaven; they have this thing where people suggest themes and then we write smut based on that. This is the edited version without the smut because I thought it was a nice enough story without it. The song is Remember by Free. I think this is my first Sam centred story.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or the song; I'm just playing**

**Remember**

We're driving along the middle of nowhere when I hear the song. Once upon a time I wouldn't have paid it any attention but now it's different. Dean turns it up; of course he turns it up, it's a rock song and he even starts singing along but the lyrics start to resonate. Something inside me starts to break and find myself reminiscing about us; about the time we spent together.

_Do you remember every morning?_

_We would dress and we'd be still yawning._

I think about those lazy mornings we would spend together; lying in bed and making love. I remember your soft touch on my skin; the way your fingertips trace the contours of my shoulders as we move together; your lips on my neck, biting gently into the flesh and sending shivers down my spine. Then afterwards; when we would lie together, wrapped in each others arms and we would tenderly kiss. Those were the most amazing times of my life.

_In the street; where people meet,_

_We would wander around in the northern heat._

Just small things like going out to meet with friends. I can remember everything that you did. The way we held hands as we walked down the street; your fingers entwined with mine. I can remember how the sun made your hair glow and I thought you were so beautiful. I loved those times with you; when it was just us together. I almost felt normal.

_All these days are gone; now I'm all alone._

_I wish I had you near me,_

_I wish I had you here_

Dean's looking at me. He's worried about me; I know that I can see it in his eyes every time he looks at me. I can't talk about you though; it's still too painful. I miss you so much it hurts. Every time I think of you I feel like breaking down in tears. It's so hard some days I don't think I can carry on. I ignore Dean's concerned looks and carry on thinking about you.

_In the summer, days were lazy,_

_And sometimes the heat would drive us all crazy._

_Singing songs all night long,_

'_Til the light through the window said another day had come._

Remember that night? The night we first made love. It was the most amazing night of my life and I knew from that moment that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. Remember that we went to dinner that night and you broke the heel of you shoe but you insisted on walking home in bare feet. We made it back home and you kissed me on the lips before taking me by the hand and leading me to the bedroom. We made love and it was the most amazing thing I have ever done. You were so beautiful; I never loved anyone more than I loved you in that moment. I wanted it to last forever; to take the time to remember every single detail about the way you looked; the curves of your breasts and hips; the way your long blonde hair rested on the pillow. It was perfect.

_All these days are gone; now I'm all alone._

_I wish I had you near me,_

_I wish I had you here_

But it didn't. My life came crashing down around me and now you're gone and I'm left with this huge, gaping black hole inside me that I don't think will ever be filled. No-one could ever compare to you; no-one will ever come close and there are times where I start to think that I will never want anyone else again. The song talks about the heat and I feel that it is mocking me. You were consumed by fire and heat; which makes hearing this all the more painful. Maybe the heat will actually drive me crazy. I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. The only thing that keeps me going is the desire to hunt down the son of a bitch that murdered you. But what happens after that? How do I go on if you're not there beside me?

"You okay, Sam?" Dean asks. The song has ended and so have my memories. I look at my brother and smile softly. I put up a mask to hide what I'm really feeling so Dean doesn't see through it. I feel like I'm starting to perfect the art. I'm not as good as Dean at hiding but it'll do.

"I'm fine," I whisper; lying through my teeth. I don't want to; what I want to do is scream and cry and kill something but that won't solve anything. You'll still be dead and I'll still be alone.

"Are you sure? You've been very quiet."

"Yeah; I've just been thinking."

"Oh, anything interesting?"'

"It's nothing," I shake my head and lean against the cold glass. All I have left of you is my memories so all I can do is sit here.

And remember.


End file.
